Which is higher, the monkey bars, or the starts

I never really liked who I am. I hated my face, my name, my family, my self-esteem. I always felt like I was the grasshopper in the meadow, that people wanted to crush, but didn’t because it was beneath their notice. I remember always feeling this way far back to maybe the first grade, and I had crush on a girl named Valerie. They said Valerie liked me, but I was sure she liked a boy name Garret. Garret was a good kid, never bothered me, but I was always jealous of him, because he was much faster, and he had the most girls chase after him during recess, and I was always on the jungle gym to scare to climb the monkey bars.

15 years later, I’m still afraid to try those monkey bars, and to be honest, it might have something to do with my fear of heights, but do am I really afraid of heights, or am I afraid of the impact of the fall. You know most people will tell you to reach for the stars, and don’t worry about what will happen if you can’t touch them. However I’m so enamored by those glowing bright yellow stars that if I can’t reach up and grab them I don’t want anything else, because I always felt like, if I can’t be one of the stars than I’m nobody, and I always based my worth on other people opinion of me.

So when girl one left, and then two, then 3, I always felt like I was losing a part of me that I was never going to get back, and honestly looking back at it now, each depression got worse, and worse, and I can never tell if the star I was grabbing

was too hot, or the monkey bar I was grabbing was too slippery.

My goal in college and for my life is to be with the one I was meant to be, but how can I do that, when I don’t even know what I’m reaching for.

What is love? Part 1: The start of something!

Is love real, Does God care about the person you’re in love with? Can science really pinpoint the love of your life? Does time really stop when you see the love of your life? Can you really get over the pain of a bad breakup?

All these things I’ve been wondering about my whole life. Honestly, I may only be twenty, but I’ve always wanted to find the love of my life, and start my life. I don’t know if it has to do with my low self esteem, or my depression, or my creative writing brain always wanting to write a beautiful story that they put into theaters. I want to know what love is. I have goals, to be an amazing teacher, to travel the world, and to write some of the greatest novels. However my greatest goal is to find the love of my life.

Thank you for reading, and please, enjoy the ride.

Love

Blue-Eyes